top ten answering machine messages - 10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and  number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.  
top ten answering machine messages - 9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the  office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home  phone number and they will get back to you.  
top ten answering machine messages - 8. This is not an answering machine, this is a telepathic thought recording device. After  the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call. 
top ten answering machine messages - 7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets. 
top ten answering machine messages - 6. Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my  parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money. 
top ten answering machine messages - 5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message. 
top ten answering machine messages - 4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner. 
top ten answering machine messages - 3. Hi. Now YOU say something. 
top ten answering machine messages - 2. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. 
top ten answering machine messages - 1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.